You know how we all receive those chain email notes all the time……the ones that get forwarded to us and if we don’t pass them along we’ll have a gazillion years bad luck? Usually I delete them immediately…..however one I received the other day caught my attention. It was about a man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light. A voice told him to go outside because there was work to do. The man went outside and found a large rock in front of his cabin. The voice told the man to push against the rock with all his might...so the man pushed. He pushed and pushed against the rock, every day, for years and years…..yet never moved the rock. The man began to think the task was impossible. He was discouraged and disheartened. Finally, the man questioned the voice, “I have labored long and hard. I have put all of my strength into moving the boulder and it has not moved. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”
The voice responded, “I told you there was work to do. I told you to push against the rock. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to MOVE the rock. Your task was to PUSH. Through your work of pushing the rock, you have grown strong. In pushing you have inspired others, learned determination, dedication and devotion. You have toiled tirelessly and have learned great things. That is what I wanted of you.”
So many of us toil and labor……so many of us react to what we think we should be doing. So many of us get caught up in the routine of pushing the boulder that we lose sight of WHY we’re pushing the boulder. The purpose of the boulder is what it makes of you. We all have a boulder…….what is your boulder making of you?
Let me tell you about one of MY boulders…..the boulder of cancer.
Six years ago I returned from my daily 5 mile walk and jumped in the shower before getting my 6 year old son on the school bus and taking our 2 year old daughter to a play date.
Rushing through the morning routine I jumped in the shower. As I showered, I remember suddenly becoming still as my washcloth stopped at the top of my right breast. There was a hardness to my breast that was not there the day before. I still remember standing still in the shower with the water running for so long that it turned from hot to cold….draining the hot water tank and draining the routine thoughts of the day from my mind.
As I tried to collect myself, my first thought went to “Oh no, something isn’t right”. Then as my brain raced, I tried to rationalize….. “Impossible…..this hardness was NOT there yesterday……how could a lump appear that quickly?.......what am I thinking?......there’s no history in my family…….I eat healthy….I exercise…..I nursed my children….I’ve never smoked……I even eat lots of salmon!.(we all know how good salmon is for you!)......I did all the “right things”……I was 32 years old!.....” Yet, somehow I knew instinctively something was not right.
I chose not to tell my husband that day about what I had discovered in the shower…..at the time I convinced myself that I needed to wait to tell him until I had all of the information….yet now I realize that perhaps I held off on telling him because somewhere inside I realized I couldn’t handle my own thoughts while dealing with his……I knew he would freak out. I waited for 4 days before I told him…..questioning, worrying, working though the “what if’s” in my mind in silence………In 4 more days I learned that I indeed had a diagnosis of Stage 3 Infiltrating Ductile Carcinoma…….Breast Cancer.
Three weeks after diagnosis I was being wheeled into the surgical suite at Mass General for removal of both of my breasts. Three weeks after that I started chemotherapy at the Dana Farber Cancer Institute….a place I had always donated to for “the cancer patients” but had never walked inside its doors as “the” patient.
When I look back at that year of diagnosis, five major surgeries, chemotherapy, losing my hair, genetic testing, a hysterectomy, reconstruction and recovery, I’m amazed at how strong we can be when we have to be. We can be strong despite being so scared. We can be strong despite being overwhelmed by a medical world that is foreign to us. We can be strong despite the pain. Pushing against the boulder does indeed make us strong.
I remember trying to balance being “mom” and being “the cancer patient”…….involving the children so they didn’t feel cast aside while the focus was on fighting the disease, yet also protecting them. I still chuckle at the memory of asking my 6 year if he wanted to shave my head when my hair started to fall out from the chemotherapy. He was thrilled to have something he could do to help! The only problem occurred while he was working on the back of my head……he was clipping slowly and cautiously…..when I asked him if something was the matter, he told me he was trying to be careful so he didn’t poke the eyes on the back of my head!!
On the radar screen of life, cancer is one of those BIG beeps….not a little beep like missing a flight at the airport, or getting stuck in rush hour traffic….it is a BIG beep! It truly does something to you……not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Simply facing our mortality creates great divides…….in friendships, in relationships, in families……no two people handle it quite the same. I discovered new friends willing to sit for hours by my side during chemotherapy treatments and I found that some friends disappeared….unable to handle my illness. I found doctors who would give me their personal cell phone numbers for me to call at any time, day or night …..and I found doctors who couldn’t remember my name while holding my chart in their hands.
Physically it is amazing what they can do with the human body these days……I’m telling you…..I’ve got more parts missing or replaced with new and improved models I feel like I’m set for life! And that’s precisely the point…..I’m set for LIFE!!!
While cancer is a big beep on our physical radar screens, I believe cancer is a much BIGGER beep on your mental and emotional radar screen …… it truly causes you to pause…..think…..think some more…..and say, “What in the world am I doing with my life? I’m HERE! I want to LIVE! I want to LIVE my life! I may not be able to move the boulder by myself, but I know I will be stronger for trying! I want to live!!
It never ceases to amaze me how many people spend so much of their lives complaining about the boulder in their yard. Too many people spend their lives complaining about what life has handed them….about what they “got” or what they “didn’t get”. As far as I’m concerned, you “get what you get”……from there you have a choice….to complain about it, to whine about it, or to get OVER it and make the most of it!
This phrase applies to so much in our lives, “You get what you get – get over it!” “You get what you get – deal with it!” “You get what you get – don’t complain, improve it!” The idea that life is “unfair” and that we all “deserve” certain things boggles my mind…..things happen…..life is “unfair”….we get what we get! Things happen to all of us…..it’s part of life! We all get gigantic boulders dumped in our laps sometimes! We can be overcome and complain about life not being fair, or we can realize that we “get what we get” and must make the best of it!
Each one of us has a boulder we want to move. What we must realize is that the pushing against the boulder makes us stronger. We may never get rid of the boulder……believe me, every year when I go in for my check up at Dana Farber, the boulder is still there…..sitting larger than life in my mind’s eye….and I wonder…..is the boulder back?
The boulders that we are all up against can feel gigantic. The pushing makes us tired and can make us callused. Every one of us has a boulder in our lives…..it’s what IT MAKES OF YOU that makes the difference.
Let me tell you what the boulder of cancer has made of me.
I have learned that despite “getting what I got”, life is GRAND. Life is WONDERFUL! Life is meant to be LIVED! I don’t want to just “live” though…….I want to live my life in exclamation points!!! I want to live in exclamation points!!!
I would like to propose a concept to you all here tonight…..the concept of adding punctuation marks to your lives. Specifically, adding an EXCLAMATION POINT to your lives.
It’s simply amazing to me that when you add a simple vertical line above the dot of a period and apply it to the cycle of your life, your life go from “routine, normal, every-day” to “living large with excitement and joy!”
We can go through life in a series of periods as we go through the motions of routine. We can go through our lives in question marks….. always doubting, questioning, second guessing……. OR….we can choose to go through life incorporating exclamation points at every turn to make our lives and the lives of those around us come alive!
I think of exclamation points, bold letters and all caps the same way I think about wearing red shoes….not just red shoes…..I mean RED shoes! It’s exciting! It’s bold! It stands out!! Every time I wear red shoes I get two reactions…..one from women and one from men. The women stop me and say, in a hushed voice, “I LOVE your shoes….but I could NEVER wear them….I don’t have the NERVE…..but I SO wish I did!”….to which my response is, “Of COURSE you can wear them! They’re fun! They’re exciting! Here! Try mine on!!” The transformation when a woman puts on a pair of outrageously red shoes is magical! She immediately stands a little taller, she smiles a bit broader, and she walks with more authority! It’s a statement, it’s a feeling, its an expression! My red shoes are my exclamation point!
Now the other reaction I receive from my red shoes is from men, who also come up to me and in a quiet hushed voice, typically with eyebrows wiggling, they say, “Hey, I LOVE your shoes…..”, which has an entirely different meaning of it’s own! J
What’s YOUR exclamation point? What are YOUR red shoes?
The second thing that the boulder of cancer made of me was my ability to see the power of CHOICE.
It took me a long time to truly see myself as worthy of making choices for myself. I have always been a “nurturer” by nature….sometimes I blame it on my Italian heritage…..my mother was always the one to encourage anyone walking through the door to sit and “manga, manga, eat, eat!!” ……instinctively I had always thrived on taking care of everyone else. I had just never learned to truly take care of “me” in the process.
Even through cancer I was worried more about everyone else than I was about myself….I was focused on my then 2 and 6 year old children…..my husband…..my family…..our friends…….I didn’t want to make them uncomfortable or inconvenienced because of my illness. Looking back…what was I, crazy? Cancer is UNCOMFORTABLE and it sure as heck is INCONVENIENT!!
Part of loving your life is choosing yourself first…..it is being your favorite person….and those are not selfish thoughts. By loving your life and who you are you become stronger, more capable, and more giving to others! When we are caught up in doubt, denial, fear and uncertainty, we have little to give. We MUST give to ourselves first! We must be nurturers to ourselves before we can nurture others.
I have a friend who has a 13 year old son who is wheelchair bound, whose body and mind are wracked with disease………her son has been the boulder that was placed in her yard yet she has for years planted flowers around the boulder and has seen the beauty. She just received a second boulder…..placed beside the first. She discovered she has the genetic marker for breast cancer and has made the choice to undergo preventative surgeries…..a hysterectomy and mastectomies. This choice she has made is not selfish. This choice is focused on survival. She needs to be there for her son. No one else can care for a child as a mother does and she is making the choice to take whatever measures she can to continue to be there. Her choice allows her to chip away at the boulder…..minimizing its size.
Being your favorite person is not selfish, or self-centered….it is essential! If we do not believe in ourselves we cannot believe in others. Our personal confidence reflects onto others! When a stone is cast into still water, it creates a ripple. Choosing yourself first and interacting with the world around us with a heightened sense of personal confidence creates the same ripple effect…..it’s a ripple of positive energy.
The third thing that the boulder of cancer made of me, is my ability to receive the power of joy in my life.
When my children were small and started to question the theories of magical beings that would sneak into our home and leave special treats…..you know, such as the tooth fairy or the St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun …..I would tell them, “if you don’t believe, you won’t receive!” Well…I feel the same way about the power of joy. If we don’t believe in joy in our lives, we cannot possibly receive joy in our lives.
While I am truly blessed and privileged to today be standing here as a cancer survivor, cancer, I now realize, brought me joy. Cancer filtered my reality to awaken my senses! My vision, my hearing, my sense of smell and taste, and my ability to touch have all been renewed!
My vision has been focused more clearly on what is truly important in life and allowing insignificant items to blur into the background. Cancer intensified my ability to see the joy of sunshine streaming through the clouds, or a hand picked bouquet of dandelions in the grasp of a child. What do you truly see in the world around you?
My hearing has been fine tuned to allow me to delight in such joyful sounds as children laughing, birds chirping, or gentle rains tapping at the windows. Cancer has also provided me with the ability to hear more clearly others in need or someone in quiet pain so that I may offer my help. Is there someone in your life that you need to hear?
My sense of smell now provides scents I never new existed! I do stop and smell the flowers rather than rush by in haste. Is there a new smell you can discover?
My sense of taste has come alive so that a meal made for me by a child rivals that prepared by any great chef. Cancer proved that a meal made by friend or family in our time of need includes one priceless ingredient not found in any store….the ingredient of “love”. Cancer made quite clear that a meal shared together has more joy than a meal eaten alone. Is there someone in your life you’ve been wanting to share a meal with? Call….make a date…..today!
Cancer enhanced my sense of touch so that my heart swells every time I hold the hands of my children. Cancer causes me to pause and stroke the soft cheeks of my sleeping children and wonder at their beauty. Cancer has provided me with the feeling of joy with every hug with a friend. Who in your life needs a hug…..a friend? A patient? Reach out to them….it makes all the difference!
I am so very grateful for the countless numbers of people who over the years have pushed and pushed against the boulder of disease…..who have tirelessly worked at chipping away at the boulder……without their constant pushing and chipping at the boulder I may not be here today.
Don’t let the boulder of disease that you push against every day cause you to lose focus on why you’re working so hard. My living and breathing here today is a result of the work of countless people in the medical field pushing hard against the boulder. It’s about the PEOPLE you help. The boulder has names and faces attached to it. Physicians must be cautious to not become calloused toward the boulder of disease as they push and push against the boulder of disease because of ‘people’…..not for recognition, not for fame…..but for people….to save lives.
Pushing against the boulder, chipping away at the boulder, or combining forces with others to push the boulder aside is POWER.
It creates the power of hope…and it creates the power of LIFE! We must realize our strength! Joy is a powerful force if we look for it, are open to it, and are willing to receive it! Once we receive it, we can then share it with others!
We don’t have a choice on how we die, we only have the choice of how we live! Choose to live in joy. Choose to help others find their joy. Choose to help those you encounter every day to discover their red shoes!!
Put a few exclamation points in your life! Put LOTS of exclamation points in your life!! Make the choice for joy in your life. Choose joy!!
What boulder are you pushing? What is your boulder making of you?
Glenna Sanford
Speaker / Author / Life Power Coach
